Melany sat on the couch and flipped absent-mindedly through the channels. She heard Paul fumbling at the lock and he walked through the door. Paul’s stupid boots dripped water on the kitchen floor.
“Please take off your boots before you walk on the carpet,” Melany said, not looking at him.
Paul obediently took off his boots and sat down on a kitchen chair.
“Hey, Mel?” Paul asked.
“What?” Melany snapped.
“How come all you blog about is Penny and Twilight?”
Melany glared at Paul out of one eye. “You gotta problem with that, working stiff?”
“Um, no, I guess,” Paul said hesitantly.
“Grood,” Melany huffed. “I mean, good…and great. Great and good.”
Paul leaned against the counter and folded his arms.
“What now?” Melany asked in a bored tone.
“There was something else I wanted to bring up.” Paul started. “Sometimes when I get home at 5:15 you’re still in your pajamas…” He trailed off as Melany got visibly angrier with every syllable he uttered.
“Oh yeah? Ya
jell-ous?” Melany drawled in a dead-on impersonation of Amy Pohler’s one-legged character on SNL.
Paul ignored the impeccable impersonation and asked, “I mean, do you even know what’s going on in the world? Do you even know who’s president?”
“Of course I do!” Melany spit the words out. “It’s that Obama-lama whosits.”
“Ok, fine. What else is going on?”
“I dunno…” Melany bit her lip and looked down at the floor. “We’re in a down economy?”
“Yes!” Paul said enthusiastically. “What else?”
“Shut it,” Melany ordered. “I’m trying to think.” And proceeded to put on a very good show of thinking.
After a minute or two, she said, “Something about how we need to be ‘green’?”
“Yes!” Paul crowed. “Good on ya!”
“You shut that face or I’ll slap you,” Melany threatened, still obviously in a rotten mood.
“Wait a minute,” Paul said with a sad shake of his head. “I know what this is really about.”
“Oh? And what’s that, you turd-monkey?” Melany muttered.
“American Idol season has started again and you’re still upset that David Archapoopa didn’t win last year.” Paul stated triumphantly.
“Archu-
letta,” Melany seethed.
“Well?” Paul pressed.
Melany got up and stormed around the living room. “The wrong David won!” she said with a feral cry. “That other David – that ‘word nerd’ – should’ve taken his huge egg-shaped head and gone home!” she railed her fists against the nearest wall.
“That seems unfair,” Paul shrugged.
“Why don’t you make like a tree and get outta here,” Melany hissed.
“You mean, make like a tree and leave?”
“I KNOW WHAT I SAID!” Melany thundered.
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